understanding

I'm struggling to find the words
or the memories
to explain my
in between
saturday and sunday
in between
before and after

I woke up the the sound of
breathing down my neck
and realized exactly
when and where I was
how did circumstance
bring me to another unknown place?
I worked my way backwards
through the night before
not understanding exactly
when I made the decision
to break all my promises to myself

now I'm underestimating
under the influence
and nursing my own wounds
in order to keep my
hands to themselves
knowing if they start to claw for the truth
I'll only be lead astray

I'm confronting my own
downfall
and after all the smoke
and tears
I realize it boils down to
you