I was finished before I started

I'm done trying to forget about whatever it was
that flashed back into my memory
while I was deep in sleep
I kicked off my blankets and called your name
you had a change of heart
and returned
of course it was only a dream

I've had constant reminders of
this downward spiral tattooed on my
eyelids
I'll never escape
and I'm sure this only sounds so
pitiful
because I should be dreaming
but I'm sick of what I find there
so I'll stay up and keep my writing
written

we laughed about monsters
and hauntings
as they snuck up behind us ready to pounce
we never expected the unexpected
because we never thought ahead
I'll miss the way we would squirm
and she would hold our hands
those were the best of times

I'm quoting dickens
and wanting to give up
because my writing sounds like
whining and my whining sounds like crying
and my crying sounds like laugther
while my laughter starts the entire
cycle over again
was that too much for one line?

I'm considering staying
because I'm going to miss so much
but I'm going to miss her the most
and I'm too far away to know
what exactly needs to be done
in order to keep spirits up
and hearts beating
(remind me, please, and I'll get right on it)
I could only ask for what was given

I realize I'm screaming for an audience
of one
and I never meant to make the walls bleed
dandilions and clean laundry
that's just the way it turned out
I'm packing up everything I've ever known
and taking it with me on this adventure
so, why can't I take you?

these are getting worn out
and long
I'm killing time by killing trees
I'm gone gone gone
before the night is over