dissect

put me in the middle
and split me down the center
I'm everything I never wanted to be
pulling in every different directions
I'm spilling over again
liquid insecurities dripping from each pore
it's like I've forgotten how to forgive
and forget

these songs have stolen my heart before
and now they're on repeat
but instead of forcing me back to you
I'm fixed in place
quickly running out of options
before I ruin every chance I've had
it's too late

now every optical illusion
seems like reality
so, I've quit trying
I'll live with this false pretense
of life, or something like it
please agree with my insanity
and make me feel slightly more sane

I've stolen my own morals
and hidden them under my mattress
hoping that I would forget them
it's working

each breath brings in a little more smoke
filling each lung until
it's all I can taste, smell, breathe, see
I'll let it consume me this time
with the memories of last april
radiating throughout my entire body
what have I done this time?

I'm asking you to keep me afloat
while know you're going to let me sink again
so I should get used to the bottom of the ocean
because I don't think
I'm a case worth rescuing
when I'm just going to be here in the end

so I'll be holding onto whatever
keeps me awake until I'm home
where I sleep to dream
and I don't feel alone in my own bed
I'm grasping, clinging onto whatever
memories scratch their ways out
reminding me of once upon a time
and when happy endings were a possibility

with every step I take forward
I take four steps back
and then I turn around again
constantly going in the wrong direction
when I ultimately have no destination
in sight

so cut me in half
it's been done before
so far I've been surviving
on the oxygen flowing into her lungs
trying to hold myself in
there's no point in over flowing
when there's going to be no one
to clean up afterwards