x's and o's

tonight the evidence that
I'm an emotional wreck
is sprawled out accross face
and I'm not trying to tell you how I feel
because you'd doubt my soberity
(with good reason)
but tonight I've drowned my sorrows
in simply cigarettes
and I'm not looking to find any sort of liquid
to make the word "drown" literal

I'm listening to the screaming
of a voice I'm starting to recognize
and I'll lock myself away
until someone else comes knocking at my door
looking for the wrong person
because I'm not good enough

I'm wrong again
about the ways my silence is portrayed
I've never been good with converstation
and I miss the way simplicity felt
before april
and the change of seasons

summer didn't bring
its usual sunshine and butterflies
only smoke and sorrow
and the state caught on fire
while my heart froze over
I'm stuck in the photographs
plastering my walls
wishing for a time when...

these days aren't reality
and I have yet to come to this realization
I'm sorry I kept you up so late
I wasn't who I thought I was
and I'm still not sure what that means

we spend too much time thinking about
the things that will get us through until friday
and not enough about the things that
got us this far
I'm sorry to ruin the moment
but where were you?

these words aren't coherent
and I won't blame you for turning back
forget everything I've said
I'm under the influence of
only myself
(I've been told that's the worst drug)
while she's stumbling over herself
they'd never care as much...

I miss
I miss
I miss
there is no forgetting.