myraid of hippocracy

you're fresh out of a relationship
that meant more to you than
I've ever meant to anyone
and I want to ask you to remember my name
but all I can hope for is a nickname
like
r
e
b
o
u
n
d

and this is why I hate happiness
more than I hate my own self-loathing
remind me of one time happiness lead to anything
but heartbreak
and when you draw a blank I'll understand
because you're in the same boat as I am

alone but not lonely
or is it the other way around?

I'm not sure of my motives anymore
because the memories became all to vivid
when I claim that all I want to do is forget
as I psychoanalyze my flashbulb memories
I'm trying to replace his face with the likes of
someone who doesn't pose so much of a threat
to my own mental health

but as I make a fool of myself
acting like a little girl with her first crush
I want to demolish your very being
because I hate being that girl
I ignore my conscious telling me what's going to happen
and I know it'll hurt
when I find out I'm just for fun

always just for fun

all of you boys with such tendencies
gentlemen
it's all a lie
and when I'm once again forgotten at the end of the night
I know I'll need to waste my time
one someone else
so that I'll have so much more to look forward to
like the next time I'm alone

and while I'm on a roll
how did you end up there
curled up behind me
breathing down my neck
just like everybody else
that's when I should have known

I'm already
cursing this oblivion
before you've even emerged again
before you've had the chance to prove me wrong
because you won't
they never do