rush

my hopes were so high
they could have floated right out of the room
but now my smiles fading back to black
and I'm beginning to see past the fog I've been in for days now
how I could never see you wanting me
outside of the bedroom
and why everybody seems to know you better
when I'm the one you're holding through the night
maybe not the only one
but one of the ones, at the very least

I can't become this again
remembering again why I've blocked happiness
from my vocabulary
deleted it from my memory bank
because happy always ends
and there's no such thing as a happy ending
those who disagree are the real cynics
the real enablers
feeding false promises of something that will never come
here's a toast to you

and I'm only hurting because I wanted it so bad
to be something utterly impossible
something I've never deserved
I'm struggling to figure out why
my very being screams
"please, use me"
when if you took the time to look in my eyes
they'd plead
"please, remember me"
and when you forget, like the rest of them
it'll burn a little longer
because I let myself fall

for someone I'll never know