time warp

it's been more than a minute
since I lost my mind for the second time
this week and I've lost control
of everything I was trying so hard
not to lose

I'm back where I started
and I'm learning that
this wasn't the place I was dreaming of
"busy is another word for asshole"
I wish I could reverse the reasoning
I came back
because I could spend forever alone
as long as they were around

I'm convinced that there is nothing
I could possibly gain from
pretending I'm someone I never was
until I started believing my own lie
I'll keep the songs on repeat
that remind me of the times
I was accidentally loved unconditionally

nobody ever described me as perfect
and I always kept that in the back of my mind
while the lights were forever turned out
and I was constantly stolen
don't worry about the girl who never had
anything to give up or gain

this realization was a punch in the face
and now my black eye
is on display to show
the world that I'm the friend that's "just there"
I'm not up to making a social appearance
knowing nothing will come from
the boys who focus their attention
on the girls who know just how perfect they are

my last cigarette burned
because I don't want anything to do
with my own existence
I'm learning nothing from these experiences
that I didn't know before
I'm longing for the north already
and I'm still stuck in the south
waiting for my judgment and the verdict

keeping secrets was always my hobby
and I was always there to help everyone
but myself