the moonlight gives us comfort

instead of writing about philosophy
I want to write about you
and the way it feels when your hand
traces circles on my back
in the middle of the night
right before you sleepily draw me closer
so that we become tangled in each other
in the warmth that is your bed

one arm beneath my head
while the other around my waist
never letting let me roll away
even after you've drifted back to sleep
not that I'd ever want to roll away from that embrace
that proves you only want me closer
so I breath in the smell of your skin
as you're slow and steady breathing
lulls me back to sleep

and so this is happiness
with our bodies shifting in turning in the night
but never separating in the process
with the look you give me upon waking
that says you could stay just like this
for the rest of the day
stay in this mess of sheets and pillows
arms flailed around each other
unaffected by the rest of the world
until night falls again
and we're back where we started

a never ending cycle

I'm no longer comfortable in this room full of silence and I'm no longer able to live in this skin

so I've decided to write
with you to my left
buried in book and conversation
attention on everything
but the elephant in the room
keeping me from interjecting
while your roommates bullshit
the night away
things I'd usually find funny
hold no weight
as I'm struggling to figure out
exactly where I'm going with this

the mattress and pillows aren't as
inviting as they used to be
and the thought of sleeping here all night
catches me off guard
like I shouldn't be allowed
like this shouldn't be reality
because this time last week
was perfection
now I've been gone for two days
and my world no longer makes sense

so I don't blame this on you
and your perfect character
I blame this on too much thought
and not enough time to think it
so I hope you don't misinterpret
my silence
for something more than confusion
and I hope they don't read too far into my absence
even though they should

the singularity of my existence
rides on my ability to survive
these next few days
while I see how far the ties have been severed
in an attempt to reclaim my own being

I'm sorry it had to end this way